There are sentences I never thought I would say. One of them is “Will you stop chewing on my bra? It costs more than you do!” Another is “Oh don’t worry I know the puppy is shrieking but he’s fine. The cat just had a throw down with him, WWE style. It means he’s learning his lesson.”
Basically, owning a puppy is weird. As is owning a cat. They get along great except when the puppy thinks the cat’s tail is a tug of war toy. That’s usually why the puppy ends up shrieking. The cat doesn’t put up with that, and let’s be honest, I can’t blame him. Sooner or later the puppy is going to learn, and it’s not like the cat is actually hurting him. Sometimes it’s kind of comical.
Those are my emotional support animals, because for the last 4 or 5 years anxiety has kind of tried to wreck my life. If you want to get technical about it, I guess it kind of almost did. But hey, I got help. I pulled myself out of that deep dark hole even though I thought it was never going to end. Which, if you think about it, is weird, because I overcame something that seemed virtually neverending. Now, I’m not gonna lie. A bigggggg part of my improvement was what I delightfully call Happy Pills. Because… well, I guess they gave me back the ability to be happy? The changes are shocking, to say the least. Like. I used to freak out… over perfectly normal things? And now they don’t bother me at all, and I didn’t exactly notice the transition until I stepped back and actively reflected on it. And then I realized that the change in thought process had happened almost normally. I didn’t get upset over the things that made me irrationally anxious or depressed. Things had changed for me, and they were changing for the better.
They still are, actually. I have a lot of changes coming up. Most of my friends are getting ready to go back to classes. And then there’s me, and after a lot of weird stuff where I nearly had cancer but definitely didn’t have cancer probably happened, and some money issues/getting fired from a job (mostly because anxiety and depression was so overwhelming I couldn’t keep showing up to Walmart every day…) and just a bunch of stress… and then the school conveniently screwing me over on top of it, I’m taking a semester off school.
So guess who’s using this semester as a big, fun, adventure? That’s right. Gonna do a ton of crazy things. For instance? Freaking YOGA!
Y’all. Yoga hurts. Just so you know. Like… ow… a lot… many pains. Does not like. Just so you know. Except after I do yoga it feels really nice and like I feel good. But the next two days I’m super sore. It’s crazy, haha! But that’s not the only thing I am doing this year. Yoga, learning how to actually do makeup, learning to drive, self care routines… the whole 12 yards. But I’m going to check over all of this with my therapist and see what she thinks is a good idea. Knowing me I could be overdoing it.
Also. Those little nails you glue on? I used to think those were stupid. But I wear them all the time now they’re my new favorite thing except if I one falls off and I forget my nail glue I have to tear all of them off, because of who I am as a person. It’s inevitable. Basically, I’m giving in to my somewhat OCD tendencies and I am also becoming A Girl and neither of these make sense and it makes me wonder if the feeling of normalicy in my life is actually just a figment of my imagination.
Basically I might be crazy and I’m sorry if I am but I promise I’m probably not.
So yeah. If you guys need me I’ll be here, writing things down in my bullet journal. I’m still not entirely sure I’m doing this right? But that’s okay like I don’t mind messing it all up for the sake of doing it right. Uh. Wait. That didn’t make sense did it… I’m so sorry I’m going to stop talking now before I scare the non-existent readers away okay? Okay byeeee.